Your cell phone rings. You check the caller ID. Oh, great. It's that agent you are working with trying to get that luxury home under contract. Uh oh. Although you want to get the deal done, you already don't like talking to him, since he is almost invariably rude and abrasive. 
YOU: Hello, this is _______.
OTHER AGENT: Hi, this is Rudy McRude. I was calling to let you know that I had to use smelling salts on my client when I went to present your offer.
YOU: Really? I thought it was pretty reasonable.
OTHER AGENT: Well, I had to spend three hours with them just to get them to respond to this one.
YOU: Okay....(long pause)....Do you want to fax it to me?
OTHER AGENT: Fine. I'll have my assistant send it to you. By the way, I am the rare exception to the rule. Although I have an assistant, I will insist on speaking to you directly to make your life more challenging for the next several weeks.
Okay, maybe those last two sentences wouldn't really happen, but let's face it - some people are just really hard to get along with. We have all dealt with difficult personalities, whether it is a client, someone else's client, or (yes) another agent.
In dealing with people who rub us the wrong way, it is often difficult to keep emotions out of the process. During negotiations that involve particularly difficult personalities, it is sometimes necessary to remind our buyers or sellers that the transaction will not take that long to complete.
Injecting humor is usually a great way to defuse a potentially sticky situation. I have used the following phrase or something similar on many occasions to re-focus an upset buyer when they are offended by something that the seller has said or done:
"I know that you're irritated and I can understand why, but keep in mind that you only have to deal with these people for a few weeks, then you will have the home you want. They won't be living with you, I promise."
Generally, they will laugh (or at least chuckle), and say, "You're right. Let's get it done."
Sometimes, I am also irritated, but I try not to let that affect things. Notice I said "try". I am human - I, too, am sometimes unable to remain calm (but this is very rare). I can actually only recall one occasion when I had to be confrontational with an agent during my real estate career. Is it me, or him? It's him, right?
Although this could be common sense for many of you reading this, I have another technique that I use when I am dealing with someone who is particularly difficult. If they become abrasive with me, the first step is to cuss and then slam the phone down. Hopefully, none of you thought I was serious. The primary advice that I give is to get even calmer than your normally would be. Speak in a gentle tone, and allow them to talk as much as possible without interrupting. Often, this causes them to realize that you are not the enemy, and they will begin to calm down, too.
You have probably heard the saying that "God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." This is never more true than when we are dealing with a difficult person.
Copyright 2007 Jason Crouch Austin Real Estate
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I've noticed with these more difficult personalities that it is better NOT to email them. They tend to read in to what you are typing and come up with their own version of how you are really "talking" to them.
Better with these folks to make a phone call so they can "hear" your voice and just keep a detailed log of what was said.
Anyways.... HUH???? What are you talking about... are there difficult personalities to deal with in Real Estate??? Surely you jest.
Good advice - there are a few people that when I see their number on caller ID - it takes me a moment to decide if I really want to deal with them at that moment or just let them leave a message.
One thing that I have done and get a tone of compliments on is that I have changed my ring-tone to a song that is kind of funny and upbeat. It tends to make the crabby people smile a bit and their mood is a little better by the time I answer.
JASON: I have a post with a similar thought coming out soon. It delves into the buyer/seller relationship, not the agent though. I really liked the graphics that you used on this one, particularly the one at the bottom that I thought you were going to say was your "happy place." Since I don't want to give away too much of my post, I'm going to park my boat and enjoy the view from the last photo for awhile. Come to think of it, since my post doesn't revolve around agents, I can give you some thoughts on dealing with difficult agents. I have no idea why some agents feel the need to do things deliberately to anger other agents. We all have a job to do, and when we work together, things go smoothly. When the ego of the other agent gets into the mix, trouble ensues. Good job on this one. I hope you like the post that I put out too.
good advice, keep it light and don't let someone push your buttons.
let it roll off like water off a duck
I once had a client yell at me, saying he was going to take me to court if I didn't lower the price. This was so ridiculous it didn't even bother me. I just told him that I need both homeowners to sign off on a price reduction so he should contact his soon-to-be ex-wife's lawyer and I will also show her comparables again.
I like your statement of how the sellers won't be living with the buyer. I find humor works most of the time to diffuse a situation. Although, most times I just want to bop their foreheads like the V8 commercials.
I find that if I just listen patiently (and not interrupt) and let the person just get it all out, more times than not- by the time he/she finishes they will have settled down and pretty much worked it out. Humor does help and so does a calm voice.
Jason... you are human? Nah, no way. lol Hey, I can so relate to this, especially when I have a realtor that talks down to me. Gee, I could be here forever. In regards to clients? I love the ones that think they know more than you and make you feel like you don't know squat... lol What is it? Calmer heads will prevail? But yes, just keeping your wit and making a joke here or there helps... or just being funny.
Excellent and practical advice. I usually can control myself, but you it seems have it down pat!
Great post!
Good words, Jason. Honey always works better than vinegar as the first choice to deal with difficult personalities. It usually stuns them into listening. I'm sure this approach on your client's behalf really moves your negotiations forward. After you've tried everything nice, you can always hit the hopelessly rude upside the head with the honey jar (metaphorically, of course).
Jason...great advice, bro!!!
Calming down and being QUIET will work wonders!!
WTG. it is now a featured post in,"Christianity and Real Estate"
\O/
Great Post!
Hey enjoyed having lunch with you today. Take care and have a great week. I will call you later to set up a time for us to meet.
Be blessed
Alan
NANCY - I am glad you found it to be helpful. This line almost always works well.
SARA LEE - I concur with you on that. It is typically better (and more difficult) to call if possible. You're right - most people are complete angels to deal with, right?
DONNA - That is an interesting idea (fun song). I like it. Thanks for sharing this one.
MISSY - Exactly! Speak gently and let them vent, and it will usually blow over quickly.
ADAM - As always, thank you for your pertinent comments. I look forward to seeing your post as well. Talk to you sometime soon -
GEORGINA - It takes an awful lot to push my anger buttons these days. I like to just stay cool and collected. Sometimes, it is more difficult, though. Thanks for your comments!
KRISTA - That is patently ridiculous, and I wouldn't have let it bother me either. I can relate to the V8 forehead slap, or perhaps pushing them into the pool for a "Nestea plunge".
CYNTHIA - I wholeheartedly agree. Good stuff!
JEFF - I am not surprised that you can relate to this one. Thanks for your great comments! You also touched on something that REALLY bugs me - people who act like they are more knowledgeable than I am. I don't know everything, but I know an awful lot about this business. That is a huge pet peeve of mine.
ELIZABETH - I hope you are able to use this line to help with your clients. I know that it has worked for me. It just came to me once with a particularly difficult seller, and I have used it many times since. I may try to reach you via phone tomorrow. We are bound to speak "live" sometime soon.
RENEE - I can TOTALLY relate to what you describing here. I have encountered more than my fair share of these agents here in Austin, and I don't suffer fools gladly. I strive to remain patient, but it is tough sometimes when the other agent is particularly abrasive. Thanks for your comments!
MIDORI - Thanks so much for the compliment. I have used the "speak first and you lose" technique many times, and I don't lose. Usually, it comes with a question like, "Do you want this deal to close or not?". If you can pull that off and then let the pause drag out indefinitely, often times the other agent will back off.
DANNY - Yes, there are some truly humorless folks out there. I pity them.
KAY - I guess no one enjoys dealing with nasty people, which is why they are called "nasty". Otherwise, they would be considered normal.
KEITH & ROBIN - Thanks! Have a great week!
I SO don't work in your market. =] My assistant has a team of assistants. They have gophers! The gophers have holes.
I have a way of dealing with people like that...I call my assistant Mr.....errr....nevermind!
When another agent yells at me...I lower my voice. Believe it or not, I am much scarier that way. The calm before the storm.
Man, here I thought with the title of the post you were talking about Horton... hmmm.. my bad. :)
Keeping your cool is definitely key... hard to do sometimes but necessary. I've found taking Big Bertha(that would be the club, not the queen of the trailer park, btw) and the gang out for an couple of hours tends to work off any pent up stress.
CANDI - Thanks for your great comments, as always. I experienced some of the rudeness in my first year (and beyond), but I don't get that very often now that I have been doing this for 11 years and I am a broker/owner. Usually, the stuff that I have to defuse is on behalf of the agents who work with me. Have a great day!
KELLY - Thanks! I hope you are having a great week!
MARC - The last saying in this post is something I heard awhile back and it just stuck with me. It is very true. Thanks for your comments, buddy.
BRIAN - Your last comment about the couch made me laugh, since my wife used humor the other day during a minor argument and it surprised me so much (that is usually my method, not hers) that I laughed really hard.
KATERINA - I am familiar with that verse from the Bible, and that is a terrific point. Thanks for your apt comments.
ARMANDO - Thanks for your compliments. I don't know if I have it down pat just yet, but I am trying. Have a great day!
ELAINE - Until I read "metaphorically", I was hoping you could tell me where to find a large, handled honey jar for use in these situations. Thanks for commenting!
ALEX - Thanks for featuring this one in the Christianity group! I certainly appreciate it, my friend. I hope you are having a terrific week. GBY!
ALAN - Thanks! I also enjoyed our lunch yesterday. We will talk soon and get together.
RYAN - I have done some button pushing myself at times, but if I can manage to restrain myself, it usually moves things forward much faster. Thanks for your comments, buddy.
Great advice! One thing that works for me is if I am starting to get a bit warm under the collar I quickly make a reason to get off the phone and take a moent to PAUSE...I have a saying taped to my office wall it reads;
5 Deep Breaths Will Change The World!
It works, it really does! It's all about perception right? If I change or calm mine down that's all I need do.
PAUL - I should probably re-write this post to reflect this wise course of action that you outlined. Thanks for the suggestion!
TODD - Sorry, buddy. Everything is fair game when it comes to blogging.
JESSICA - To be honest, my wife uses the same method occasionally, and it can be quite scary indeed. Thanks for your comments!
JESSE - I don't think you were talking about the golf club at all, but a large and intimidating friend named Bertha. I hope she keeps the bad guys away when you are out and about.
LINDA - Thanks for your comments! Glad you liked it and I hope you found it helpful. Have a good one -
DAN - Perhaps you're right. I may be a cyborg. You really wouldn't have any way of knowing, I suppose, since we haven't yet spoken.
PEGGY - I agree - it goes a long way toward helping your own attitude, even if they are unfazed. Thanks!
JOSETTE - I didn't say you couldn't do that. :-)
VANESSA - I have actually used this technique before as well. Good stuff!
SHANNON - I agree with you. It seems like the practice should make perfect, right? It's like saying, "That builds character." For years, I have told my business partners that I have enough character now.
ANDREW - This is great advice, too. Thanks for sharing this!
PAUL - Go for it!
DAN - I was glad I got a chance to speak with you earlier. Let's do it again sometime.
DONNA - Every redhead that I ever dated was feisty, so I can certainly understand.
CHRISTINA - You make a great point here. Yes, humor does diffuse some tough situations sometimes.
Jason, I may only have one mouth, but it's a beaut. Now what did you want to argue about? I don't even care what the topic is, I've got an opinion.
Bill Roberts
BILL - Alright. I see that you have thrown down the gauntlet, so the topic is:
"Leave it to Beaver", "Father Knows Best", and the American Family Dynamic
Discuss.
Jason, I liked Father knows best, best, but Beever comes in a close second. I don't even know what that other one is.
Robert Young was a good father and a good doctor.
Bill Roberts
BILL - The American family dynamic was just the subject that you were going to tie the shows into. I agree - Robert Young was terrific.
CAMERON - I love that story, and it is so appropriate and accurate. I am amazed sometimes by how some people can take a perfect situation and make it difficult.
I was surprised to see a comment on this one today, but then it was gone as fast as it appeared.
I was calling to let you know that I had to use smelling salts on my client when I went to present your offer.
Sounds like a line straight out of the movies. A 1948 movie! :)
BRUCE - Correct-a-mundo. I thought it sounded really old, too, but it was coming from a guy in his late 30's at the time!
I am laughing so hard at this post! We both know some Rudy's and some Rhonda's too. Thanks for posting such a great look at the ubiquitous "arrogant" Realtor. (although they do not just inhabit the luxury realm)
Walk tall, talk less and carry a big taser!