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My humorous plot summaries for the Oscar-nominated films for 2008, which I HAVE NOT SEEN YET

Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to actually see ANY of the movies up for "Best Picture" this year.  This is no longer an unusual phenomenon for me, as the father of three small children.  In fact, I only saw two movies this year ("Ratatouille" and "The Bourne Ultimatum") that warranted consideration by the Academy at all, and those were in lesser categories, such as sound and editing.  The last time that I made a sincere effort to see the nominated films while they were still in the theater was probably 1989 when I was a freshman in college. 

However, for the benefit of my loyal readers (and even disloyal ones), I will not let that deter me from reviewing these fine films, based exclusively on the title of the film and from photos or posters that I was able to cull from the internet.  Keep in mind that I have NOT seen these movies, but I feel that these reviews are probably dead-on accurate:

 

 

"No Country for Old Men" - In this finely crafted epic dramedy, an unknown actor stars as a semi-depressed, out-of-work mechanic who is forced to wander the land with a compressor offering air for tires to unsuspecting travelers, much like those guys who want to clean your windshield for a few coins. 

After experimenting with a rainbow afro wig, a mohawk, and a crew cut, he finds that his pageboy haircut helps him to garner the most tips from drivers.  The title refers to the fact that he uses Grecian formula to maintain his youthful appearance.  Also stars Gary Coleman as his hilarious sidekick.

The film ends with a raucous send-up of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World". Soundtrack by Elton John and Tim Rice.

 

 

 

 

"Juno" - Clearly, this is a family comedy with a sci-fi twist.  As I recall from my extensive knowledge of astronomy, Juno is one of Jupiter's sixty-three moons, and the young girl pictured here with her parents (let's call her Sally) wants to be an astronaut.  While everyone around her is condescending yet kind, the girl strongly wants to visit space, but is only able to do so in her dreams.  This movie is a great combination of the best elements of "Curly Sue" and "Zathura".  With Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman starring as Sally's youthful and cool parents, how can you go wrong?  Soundtrack by Yanni.

 

 

 

"Atonement" - This film stars Keira Knightley along with a guy that I haven't heard of before.  It is a boring period piece set in another country, and it likely involves lots of scenes of the countryside. 

It drags on interminably until the third reel, when Rip Taylor makes a surprise appearance as Knightley's estranged father.  This is the most poignant scene in the entire film,  but it also leads to a series of plot twists and turns and a zany surprise ending.  Soundtrack by the late Spike Jones.

 

 

 

 

"Michael Clayton" - Based on the tag line I saw on this poster, "Don't be at the Service of Others", this movie is clearly based on some of the agents and brokers that I have had the displeasure of working with over the years here in Austin. 

Michael Clayton is actually an amalgam, rather than a specific person, but this film exposes real estate at its core. 

Soundtrack by Willie Nelson and Britney Spears.  Yes, really.

 

 

 

 

 

"There Will be Blood" - This film is a lighthearted sequel to 1992's "Far and Away" which starred Tom Cruise as a barefisted boxer.  Daniel Day-Lewis portrays the aging pugilist with charm and grace.  The story follows Day-Lewis as he trains and prepares for his final bout, this time with silent film star Buster Keaton.  Inspiring?  Oh, yes.  In the photo here, you see the townspeople gathering to congratulate him on his knockout of Stephen Douglas a few minutes prior.  Soundtrack by Bill Conti (who else?).

 

So, I hope you found this public service to be helpful.  I look forward to reviewing each of the Grammy-nominated artists, although I haven't heard any of their music yet.

 

If you're looking for a home in the Austin area, you can also visit my primary website at www.austintexashomes.com.  Thanks!

Comment balloon 23 commentsJason Crouch • February 26 2008 05:17PM

Comments

Jason, I didn't see any of the movies.  Haven't even heard of half of them.  Didn't watch the Oscars.  Don't know who won.  Don't really care either.  Most of my movie watching these days is on Netflix.  

I thought Superbad should have won best picture.  Or at least funniest.  They really need some new categories in the Academy Awards like "Most Laugh Out Loud Funny" award and maybe the "3 Hour Long Epic Movie that Didn't Suck" award. 

Thanks for your take on this year's films. 

Posted by Brian Block, Northern Virginia & D.C. Real Estate (RE/MAX Allegiance, Managing Broker/Branch Vice President) over 11 years ago
No Country for Old Men is coming out on netflix in the next few weeks. And now that I know Gary coleman is in it, I will for sure be seeing it!  Thanks for the nice twist on the nominees.
Posted by Adam Dalton, Realtor - Turlock Homes (Century 21 M&M and Associates - Turlock Real Estate) over 11 years ago
Brian--Ditto from me about the movies and actors/actresses. WHO  WHAT  HOW?
Posted by Shirley Parks, Broker, 210-414-0966, San Antonio TX Real Estate (Sands Realty 210-414-0966) over 11 years ago
Jason, I did not get to see the show so thanks for putting this great piece together.
Posted by Danny Thornton, WordPress Guru (R & D Art) over 11 years ago
I don't have a long enough attention span to watch any of those types of shows. I still want to see Ratatouille!
Posted by Lisa Hill, Daytona Beach Real Estate (Florida Property Experts) over 11 years ago

Jason - I have two things to say - one about the choices above and one about the Oscars in general.

First of all Juno is the most anti-family values movie in years. It glorifies teen pregnancy and perhaps i feel that more than you right now because I have two teen daughters.

Secondly the Oscars. I'm sorry but it made me puke! The part where we have this link to Baghdad with the troops and then...and then we follow that up with nominations in one of those "GET TO THE AWARDS WE'RE INTERESTED IN" moments, and tow of the films are anti the war in Iraq! If this was not a presidential election year, there is no way Hollywood would have linked to the troops. Grrrrrrrrrrr.......

OK - rant over!

Parking for my punishment.!

Posted by Simon Conway (Orlando Area Real Estate Services) over 11 years ago
BRIAN - After reading the first several comments, I realized that no one realized that I was joking.  None of these movies are anything like what I described here.  At least, I don't think they were.  I haven't seen any of them either (I edited the title to reflect that).  I like your category ideas.
Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) over 11 years ago
I actually did get to see one of these films the other night, thanks to my On Demand service.  Michael Clayton was a really good film, if you like legal thrillers like "The Firm" or any other Grisham-like story.  I hadn't even heard of most of these movies, except for the Michael Clayton because my film-student son told me how good it was.  He didn't disappoint!
Posted by Jeannie Kontis over 11 years ago
Jason, I am shelving my planned comment in favor of letting you hypothesize what I would have written here. 
Posted by Paul Slaybaugh, Scottsdale, AZ Real Estate (Realty Executives) over 11 years ago

Jason,

Please give up movie reviewing and stick to parenting and real estate!!! Your even funnier in those areas!!! :) Thanks,   Fran

Posted by Fran Gaspari, "The Title Man" - Title Insurance - PA & NJ (Patriot Land Transfer, Inc.) over 11 years ago
DANNY - I re-titled it since I think people were taking it seriously.  Thanks for stopping by -
Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) over 11 years ago
Jason, Looks like all these movies are weird....you probably summarized them correctly.  I haven't seen them either.
Posted by Kay Perry (Kay Perry, Broker) over 11 years ago

Juno was really funny.  Of course I also love Allison Janey (from the West Wing). 

Why can't we have her as Chief of Staff for the President? 

Or at least her and her writers?  At least their would be someone to keep the White House in line!

Posted by James Downing - Metro DC Houses Team REALTORS®, CRS, GRI, ABR,MRP, MilRes, When Looking to Buy or Sell - Make the Right Move (Real Living | At Home) over 11 years ago
Hrumphh...... so hang on. I don't get a personal reply? And I parked here waiting ever so patiently for one. I may have to go make a movie now...
Posted by Simon Conway (Orlando Area Real Estate Services) over 11 years ago

Jason, that is hilar.  You beat me on the movies, I have only seen Ratatouille.  I am thinking this past year it wasn't a bad move on my part.  When it's on video, I'll watch some, maybe.

No Lord of the Rings the second trilogy or the third series of Star Wars or Titanic 2 or Legally Blonde III.  Hollywood, I am disappointed in you.  Oh well, there's always Norbit.

Posted by Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant (Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision) over 11 years ago

LISA - Apparently, I don't have the necessary attention span either.  I did see "Ratatouille" with my kids and it was really very good.

SIMON - I didn't watch the Oscars, nor have I seen any of the movies above.  I agree with what you said.  Surprised?

ADAM - You have left me without a witty response.  Sorry.

JEANNIE - I haven't seen any of them, but I will likely Netflix some of them soon.  I think Michael Clayton is already on Netflix if I'm not mistaken.

PAUL - No one can reckon what might leap forth from your mind.  Feel free to bring the noise.

FRAN - Wow - I'm sorry to have disappointed you with this effort. 

KAY - I don't think my summaries are anywhere close - I just thought it would be funny to make up different plots based on the photos I found.

JIM - I also like Allison Janey, although I haven't ever seen an entire episode of "West Wing".

SIMON - Now you have TWO personal replies. 

REBECCA - I must thank you for being the first person other than my wife and Paul Slaybaugh who actually found this to be funny.  Your comment made me laugh.  Well played.

 

Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) over 11 years ago
Funny post.  I'm looking forward to your music reviews. 
Posted by Carolyn Gjerde-Tu-Davis, Ca Real Estate (Lyon Real Estate) over 11 years ago
In your next set of reviews (in which people are forced to read instead of skim or risk public skewering), I will fully expect you to make educated guesses as to the credited names for the films' "key grip" and "best boy" roles.
Posted by Paul Slaybaugh, Scottsdale, AZ Real Estate (Realty Executives) over 11 years ago

CAROLYN - Thanks for your comment - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

PAUL - Not a problem.  I know the ins and outs of the technical side of the movie biz well enough to handle this challenge.

Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) (Austin Texas Homes, LLC) over 11 years ago

JASON - I can't believe that I left you without a witty response.  I better work on making better comments.  I'm looking forward to future posts like these.  Here are some suggestions:  Grammy Awards (songs you won't listen to), Tony Awards (Broadway shows that you haven't seen), etc.  Since we're both into TV, maybe we could start a group that reviews the shows that we don't watch.  This is an underserved niche that you've tapped in to.

I just realized something....writing reviews of movies that you haven't seen is kind of like the AR version of commenting on posts that you haven't read!

Posted by Adam Waldman, Realtor - Long Island (Westcott Group Real Estate Company) over 11 years ago

Jason - I feel much happier now that I have TWO personal comments. I'm goig for three now with this "no content" comment. Oh and to ADAM - I already started that group. Come on by!

http://activerain.com/groups/unwatchedtv

 

Posted by Simon Conway (Orlando Area Real Estate Services) over 11 years ago
I have seen Michael Clayton...thats it...Every once in a while my wife and I get in the mood for movies, and we go to the video store and get a few for a quiet stay at home and do nothing day...Not ofter, but sometimes its cool.  We love to get out and go places much more than spending hours on the couch most of the time!!!
Posted by Mike Norvell Sr, Norvell Consulting Group (Morris Williams Realty) over 11 years ago

Ok Jason, we've watched you for some time now. And for some reason we didn't pick up on that you were a lunatic. Like BB and TLW. So we're even going to pay more attention now. It was the Spike Jones comment that did it.

Best 

Posted by Gary Bolen, CRS - Lake Tahoe Real Estate Information (McCall Realty) over 11 years ago

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