God took home a giant among men early this morning.
My friend, David Wilder, whom I have written about extensively here on my blog, passed away around 4:15 am. I just found out this evening.
Although I have been aware of his prognosis for a few weeks, it still hit me pretty hard. As is always the case when someone leaves us, I keep running through a series of memories that seem to have left a more lasting impact.
I remember riding in the car with David when I was about 25 years old, and he suddenly turned to me and asked, "What was the most important day of your life?". I knew what he was angling for, since I had accepted Jesus as my savior in 1991. I said something like, "I could say my wedding day, but I think I know what you're saying." This, of course, was before I had kids, so that didn't even enter the picture at the time.
Basically, most of my strongest memories are of David being the life of the party, or of him openly sharing his faith with others.
He taught my son a series of funny handshakes that we still use, along with teaching all of us "The Birthday Song" a few years ago. Brandon actually requested this song at his birthday in December. David mentioned that the key is to get a group clapping in unison...."This....is....your...birthday song. It isn't very long." That's it.
I remember the time that I was supposed to meet David at the Asian buffet restaurant that he seemed to love. I showed up a little early (not common for me) and I was waiting outside for him to arrive, when I saw a guy that I hadn't seen in years waiting beside me. "Hey, Alan! How's it going?" "Good, how are you? I am meeting David Wilder here for lunch." David had accidentally double-booked his lunch! Of course, with his ever-present good-natured charm, he played it off while laughing, "Yeah, I thought you guys might want to see each other again."
He was the greatest encourager that I have had the pleasure of knowing. When I first met him at church, I was working as a restaurant manager in 1995. Last year, he said, "Look at you and how far you have come. You were working at Souper Salad when we met. Now, you are a successful broker and you own your own company." As I have indicated, this type of talk was not uncommon for him. I can only hope to have a fraction of his ability in this arena.
You always knew when David was in the room, primarily because he was pretty boisterous and his voice resonated really well. I attended a 50th birthday party about four years ago that he organized for our previous pastor, and David had written a long and funny poem which he read aloud that night. He didn't have a microphone, but nobody missed a word. When he lost his ability to speak a few months ago, it struck me as especially cruel.
David was born and raised in the Boston area and he was the oldest of seven kids. He lived in Texas for over 20 years, but he never fully lost his northern accent or the accompanying demeanor (sometimes). He was not afraid to challenge others in a friendly way, and he never lost an opportunity to share Jesus with anyone he met. I have honestly never met anyone like him, and I probably never will again.
I had the opportunity to see him again twice recently, after I wrote my last post about him a couple of weeks ago. The first time, I spent about four hours at his house, talking to him and to Jan. More than once, he just seemed to want to hold my hand. I prayed a number of times, and I got the chance (thankfully) to tell him that he was my hero. When he finished his first round of cancer treatments last year, we got into the habit of saying "I love you" to each other when we were parting ways. Before his surgery in November, those were the last words that I ever heard him utter, which seems particularly fitting.
This man was like my big brother (I am an only child), mentor, teacher, encourager, and a very, very dear friend. In many ways, it is harder to lose him than it was to lose my own father almost three years ago. With my father, I mourned for a relationship that I didn't have. With David, I am mourning the loss of something very tangible - a loving and loyal friendship.
If I had any doubt in my mind about David's eternal destination, it would be harder, but I truly know that he is celebrating now. It doesn't make it easy for those of us left behind, but it is comforting and I have never been more sure about anything. The hospice nurse told Jan that she had never seen anyone this young (49 years old) go so peacefully.
For those of us who knew and loved him, this is no surprise. I am reminded of a quote that I read in a book years ago, and I can easily apply it here: Death for David was just like passing through a door into another room. We had lunch last year, and he told me that he was not afraid to die, but he was afraid to hurt. After many months of hurting, I am happy that he is out of pain forever.
They are planning a "life celebration" next Saturday rather than a traditional funeral. I know he would like that. I haven't seen or heard from Jan yet, but we will try to see her tomorrow if possible.
If you are interested in reading the entire journey that I have documented, here are my previous posts about David, some of which include info about my mother-in-law, who is actually doing quite a bit better, in case you are curious. I will write about her again sometime soon.
Update on my mother-in-law Jackie and my friend David
Another update on Jackie and David
Update on David and Jackie - The Power of Prayer
Trying to help my friend David somehow - Please read!
This is the hardest post that I have ever written - An Update on my friend David
We Visited My Friend David on Thursday - Here Are My Thoughts
I wanted to publicly thank everyone who has donated money to David and Jan over the past few weeks. If you are still interested in donating, I know that there is certainly a need for money, more than ever until Jan can get back to work. I also told David a couple of weeks about the outpouring of support and that I was sharing my faith with a lot of strangers, and he was truly happy to hear this, too.
The details about how to donate money for Jan Wilder are in this previous post:
Trying to help my friend David somehow - Please read!
Thank you to those of you who have been supportive during the past few months. Your friendship is like gold. If this is the first that you have heard about this topic, thanks for reading this long post. Take care and God bless you all.
EDITED: I felt strongly led to include this link to a song called "Lifesong" by Casting Crowns, as it really exemplifies the way that David lived his life, and I hope to do the same: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA8BxgQ6rN8. Take a few minutes to listen if you have time.
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Jason, every time I saw you post recently, I feared that it might be this post. My prayers are with you. As I said before, I lost one of my very good friends a couple of months ago way too early and it doesn't seem fair but I guess that's not for us to understand in this lifetime.
Again, my condolences....
Celebrating his life and carrying on his legacy is a unique honor, Jason. So sorry to hear about your loss, my friend.
Dear Jason,
I am sorry about the death of your friend, David. My prayers go out to you, and to Jan and her family. I have been so impressed by your courageous expression of love and friendship in these posts you've written. My respect for you has increased each time I have read one of these posts where you were able to share your faith and your feelings so publicly. I know that it does indeed require a personal courage that few people experience.
By sharing this precious friendship and by sharing your journey of grief, you have touched many lives and have offered many other people the opportunity to consider the state of their own personal relationships. Kudos!
jason: I've been following this story for a while; god bless him, he is not suffering anymore! my deepest condolences
Steve Harless
Jason - My heart aches for you. I'm sure you know you will be in my constant thoughts and prayers as will Jan.
Celebrating His Life and the memory of David in and with all of you,
Jackie
Jason,
Though I am new to AR, my thoughts and prayers are with you and David's family. I know it must be so hard to lose what appears to have been a very dear friend, and so young! Good bless! Nadine Blakely, RE/MAX 1st Olympic, Lynchburg, VA
Hello Jason,
I was passing thru and read your beautiful tribute to David. I've always said that the world we live in is the Lord's waiting room to eternity. Your words for David and Jan are not just a good deed, but they are a good deed performed out of religious duty and for your devotion to the Lord. Indeed, you are a warmhearted and considerate man, Jason, here to recapture the past and indulge in loving memories of your friend. God bless you.
Hi Jason, this may sound strange but I really enjoyed reading this entire post. (More than once) What a great example you both have shared with many people; Not just here but with those around you. Your friendship and relationship with David is inspiring and your tribute is obviously heartfelt. I stand and applaud both of you. Your peace comes from Him and that is more than enough for any of us. Thanks for sharing.
In His grip,
nb
Hi Jason,
I am so sorry for your loss - at least you know he has found his perfect rest - and you will see him again. My prayers are with you and with Jan.
Jason, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time for you. No matter how much we know that our friends are in a better place now, it is still tough to be without them nearby. I'll pray for you, your family and David's family. May God give you peace and strength - God Bless. It's apparent you have a lot of friends here in AR who will be on your side.
Jason, I am so very sorry for your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and David's family.
Jason,
He does sound like a great guy. It makes me smile when I think about your reunion some day. You'll get to say "I Love You" again, my friend and it'll be even sweeter then.
Some people could live 100 lifetimes and not really live, love and be loved like your friend has. I know it is hard for the people left behind but you will see him again. What a day that will be.
Our prayers are with you all.
Your friend,
Jessica
Jason, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I still believe only the good die young. My 1st husband died at 34 and I still have not met anyone who was a good of a person as him... You sound like you have no regrets with your friendship with David. Sometimes I think they don't need to learn as much about life and their mission is short because they are already so wonderful souls. When one door shuts another one opens and I know it may not be the same one but You know David is waiting for you in Heaven and is out of his pain. You, Jan and your family will be in our prayers. I was in shock for the first 6 months and do not remember anything I did. Which is normal, All I know is that in 1988 God let me sell 3 Million dollars of real estate before he died and I needed it to live on during my mourning. It will help if Jan can find a good grief counselor since you go through 7 stages of grief and it is very hard. I cried everyday for months and then my counselor told me just cry 30 mins a day and get up and show up to the office. Some days it was all I could do to get dressed and show up but that is just how life is... It takes time but it will get better slowly for Jan.
God Bless you!
Jason- I am so sorry... my thoughts and prayers are with you and his family. Many people don't ever have a friendship like you did with David.
Jason,
Your words are a tribute to your friend. I'm sitting here, crying, over the loss of someone I haven't met, but I feel like I knew thanks to your posts. Please be there for David's family now, and my sincere condolences on your loss.
Oh, Jason. David was a close friend to you, and for that loss, I'm sorry! I'm so happy that Jan, and those around him were sure of his eternal Peace.
David became an acquaintance & friend to many of us through your writings.
In many ways, it is harder to lose him than it was to lose my own father almost three years ago. With my father, I mourned for a relationship that I didn't have. With David, I am mourning the loss of something very tangible - a loving and loyal friendship
very very poignant.... with that I have to say sorry for your loss... one thing the world does not teach and that is how to grieve and deal with death.
be well
Oh Jason I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and brother in Christ. He obviously made a huge impact on your life and you will be with him again one day in eternity.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family. You are now a living testimony for your friend. Carry on your great message.
Jason, We got to know David through your posts and I am so sorry for your loss. While we know David is rejoicing in Heaven with Our Lord; you and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-16
Jason:
Condolences on your loss. I will be praying for you.
Jason, I've been expecting this post. Remember, you may not be able to see him, or touch him, but he's still with you, and always will be. In coming years, sometimes you'll be aware of him in a song, or the passing of a breeze. Friendships like yours are like that. I know.
Jason- "They are planning a "life celebration" next Saturday rather than a traditional funeral. I know he would like that. I haven't seen or heard from Jan yet, but we will try to see her tomorrow if possible."
It's hard for me to express what I really want to say... some would not understand but I will say that the line above is soooooooooooooo important. His life was a gift..even to us who really don't know him..but we did know one thing...how much he meant to you and so many other's.
Next Saturday make it count.really celebrate!!!! Count on me to be there in spirit.. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers and thank you..for sharing this beautiful story..
Sounds like a very upbeat and all around good guy. I will put you in my prayers!
God bless!!
Jason, Your posts on David has touched me and I offer my sincere condolences.
I am too a Christian, and your writings about the man he is makes me want to be a better person with an even deeper faith in God.
God Bless
Jason -- thinking of you all morning and hoping that your family and David's are finding the peace that David has been given. His soul and your words have made a great impression on many.
Jason, my sympathies are with you at this time of your loss of your good friend David. I knew you had been writing of his terminal illness of late. Thanks for bringing us all up to date with the tribute you have written. I know he will be sorely missed in your life.
You lost your best friend. I am so sorry for all the pain you must feel today. I hope being able to share this with your friends here on AR will help you heal and move forward. Our thoughts are with you, Jason.
Jason
OUR PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND PARTICULARLY WITH DAVIDS FAMILY, BE HAPPY FOR HIM HE IS NO LONGER SUFFERING AND SHARING IN ETERNAL LIFE!
Jason- I am so sorry I came to your blog so late to find out the news. I was busy working on issues with my blog's conflict with IE, how trivial that sounds compared to what you are going through and now I feel so selfish for not being here with you straight away.
I just listened to Lifesong. I love Casting Crowns.
Now here is my song for you and David-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S70gwFcSK9k
I can only imagine when that day comes
and I find myself standing in the sun,
... forever worship you...
Surrounding by your glory
what will my heart feel
will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence
or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing halleluia
will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine.
Now David knows!
Wrapped in Jesus arms he is in good hands!
May God wrap his arms around Jan and hold her and lift her and carry through her loss,
temporary as it might be, it will seem like a long wait to see him again.
May God bless you Jason and comfort you in your loss and grief and remember always, God's love for you, his son. For God is the best Father we could all have. God bless you!
Jason-
Here is one more for you right now,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE&NR=1
We can cry together. This is my favorite song besides I can only imagine.
LET IT OUT!
Thanks for taking the time to comment on this post.
I will come back at some point to respond to each of you. I wanted to let everyone know that I edited the post to include a song at the end that I think best illustrates how David lived. I have read every comment and wept over several of them. This is a very special community.
Jason, our prayers will be with you and his family. I understand what your are going through, I went through the same thing about five years ago. It is good that you have great memories of him. God bless!
My dear friend Jason,it has been such a pleasure for me getting to know you (as briefly as I do) this past few months via active rain. You are so fortunate to have had a friend like David in this world, what you had with him is very very rare, a true, loving friendship. It will last for eternity, as there is no doubt in my mind
that you and he will one day laugh together again in heaven. The hard part is dealing with the lose here in your day to day life on earth. I never knew what it was like to loose someone you love so deeply till I lost my Daddy many years ago. I would wake up every morning and go to sleep every night with Daddy on my mind and it felt like my heart was physically hurting. I remember making a comment to a friend of mine, "I didn't know how physical the pain of losing someone is, it truly feels like my heart is breaking, literally". Unfortunately I have to tell you that pain lasted a very long time. It is true that "time heals all"...but it does take a lot of time. Your family will help, your work will help, your faith will help, your friends will help, life will go on, even though at times you feel it shouldn't. Take care my friend, and one day you will be able to not hurt so bad when you think of David, your true friend. On a side note I lost my Thor yesterday, and the pain of loosing a pet comes no where close to what you and David's family are going through, however it still hurts too. I had my kitty for 20 years, we had a wonderful time together, and I am glad she is no longer in pain either. Liz
Jason, every time I opened up your blog, I knew that this post was a possibility. I wondered how it might effect me when the day came, and it is here. I felt my heart sink, a little tear welled up in my eyes. I am not sad for David, as he is sitting with our Father face to face! No more pain and full of joy! I am sad for Jan, who has lost her lifetime love, her partner, her friend. I am sad for you, as I have seen how much David means to you. I am sad for all the people who never had the chance to meet David and have their lives changed for the better. But what I kinow and believe is that Davids works was done and the lessons he was here to teach have been taught. His time here is over and now he gets to sing praises to the Lord!
My heart and prayers are with you and Jan.
Susan
Dear Jason, I can only begin to understand what you are feeling. Daily I am reminded how short our moments are with our loved ones. As you well know, I also am certain that he's walking with the Lord. He is happy now and free of pain and enjoying the freedom of spirit. He is now and always will be with you. You shared an incredible bond.
My prayers go out to you and Jan for your loss. "Left Behind" is the way we feel but we are not! God and Dave are all around you.
Jason, what's important now is that you take care of yourself. Dave is good and well. He wants you to take it easy on yourself. Just remember how much he loves you. That will never be broken.
God bless you and yours,
Deb
Hi Jason - I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. He obviously gave you many ways in which to remember him, - he'll live on in you forever, especially with these posts you've written about him. I would bet his wife would love to have printed copies of each of them so that she can look back on them when she's ready and see just how much the man she loved so much meant to you, and to others.
My thoughts are with you.....
Ann
Dear Jason, You and Jan and your families will be in our prayers. The loss you have shared with all of us is a true honor to David and I know he is watching all of you and it is very difficult.
I think the tribute you are having for him is something he would really appreciate. I know this time is difficult.
We will all be thinking of you.
Here's a few quotations that I thought might be helpful and soothing for you:
"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die" -- Clyde Campbell
"Fortunate people often have very favorable beginnings and very tragic endings. What matters isn't being applauded when you arrive--for that is common--but being missed when you leave." -- Baltasar Gracian
"The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality" -- John Quincy Adams
"A friend is a person who knows all about you--and still likes you." -- Elbert Hubbard
Jason,
Jessie and I are saddened. We are happy you had such a solid Christian friend, who affected so many others with his faith. We are happy he is in heaven with a new body that is out of pain. We are happy that we will all be with him someday and those of us who don't know him now will get to meet him. But we are sad for the immediate loss and grief for you and David's family and other friends. Pain, tears, grief, sorrow in the present. Blessings and heavenly reunions later. Our prayers and hugs from afar go out to you.
List and Sell (appreciate the loved ones we have in the moment) Gary @ RentonHomeFinder
My best to your family and David's family. You were lucky to have a friend like him for however long he was able to stay. You are in our thoughts.
Nicole Boynton
Jason - When my best friend died (at age 38) I was told by his widow(who I think provided more support for me than I did for her) that he now knew the answer to the worlds greatest mystery.
Believe me, at first I just took that and pretended I understood it. Who am I to look for plot-holes in a widow's logic.
Today I still don't understand it. And yet, the word mystery is interesting to me. It is a mystery, the pain, the anguish...being left behind.
You are being pro-active. You honored a rich and active life by writing about your friend. I am sure you will be there to support his family.
That's true friendship.
You are in my thoughts.
Jason,
There's never a 'good time' to lose a friend or loved one!!! I echo Melissa's sentiments!!! Thanks, Fran
Jason:
This is an outstanding tribute post to a great mentor in your life. I just finished reading Melissa's post and listening to the song. How fitting that was. I wept listening to it and though i did not know David personally, I was swept by deep affection you have for him and it reminded me of so many that have had a deep impact on my life and are now in heaven including my father.
I am praying for you and all who are grieving right now at this loss. May God bless your day.
Jason,
I just finished reading all of your posts about David. I'm speachless, and saddened. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope that you will be reunited someday in the future.
Jason - I am so sorry to hear that David has returned to our Heavenly Father, it is difficult in this mortal life to let our love ones go, however like you posted and shared ...when you know he is celebrating now with those that have previously went before him and in the presense of his Heavenly Father, he is no doubt in great joy and company.
May you be comforted for your loss and dear friend. My heart is sad for you today, however may we all learn to be more like the "David's" that come into our worlds and let them be our examples. He certainly seems like a special warrior of God and no doubt his work here was done and God needed him more!
God bless Jan and her family and may she find peace and comfort until they can be united again.
Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
Gently on my mind my brother,
Candace
Jason: I am so sorry to hear about your loss--you're correct, he IS celebrating and shouting to the heavens his love for Jesus right now! Sadly, you and Jan and his family have alot of healing to do. Just know that not only was he so special to you in many ways, but you were a wonderful friend to him as well. Now you go celebrate his life and hold in your heart those wonderful memories you have of him and your amazing friendship!
Jason
I am so sorry for your loss. The profound impact David made on you and the many others he touched is a lasting tribute and wonderful memorial to a good soul. May he rest in peace.
Oh Jason, I am so sorry for your heartache and that of hiswife and family! What a blessed miracle that you two were placed in one anothers lives and that the imprint of his humor, love and faith will be in you always! These are the precious moments we carry forever! God bless you and comfort you now as ever. The pain is excrutiating but also clean as there were no unsaid words or feelings, that helps in the long run...
My hugs and love to you my friend and please give them to Jan as well.
Dear Jason, my deepest hearfelt condolences for the loss of your "big brother" David. Please accept this song, "The Prayer" as it has helped me through tough times.
Shalom to you Jason and may God give Jan strength in this her time of need - I will send another card - please foreward it to her,
Sincerely,
Grace
Jason, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. You found a rare treasure a friend and brother, a spiritual mentor, a soul-mate. it so hard to lose someone so precious. Dave has received the ultimate healing. And the ones he left behind are carrying the scars and the pain.
Do you know the song "if you could see me now?" I can hear Dave signing it with his beautiful strong voice restored, as he basks in the glow of his Redeemer...
MP3 audio fileOur prayers have all been answered.
I finally arrived.
The healing that had been delayed has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry.
There's no schedule to keep.
We're all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet.
If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now, I'm standing tall and whole.
If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now.
My light and temporary trials have worked out for my good,
To know it brought Him glory when I misunderstood.
Though we've had our sorrows, they never can compare.
What Jesus has in store for us, no language can ever share.
If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now, I'm standing tall and whole.
If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now. If you could only see me now.
- "If You Could See Me Now," Kim Noblitt, 1992, Integrity Praise
Hugs, my friend,
Ginger
As tears are pouring down my face I am in such awe of the posts that you have all written to Jason. You have even mentioned your prayers for me and words of encouragement to me! To all of you "thank you" for your words, your cards, your contributions. I am aching for my husband and he was exactly how Jason has described him. He loved life and he will be missed by so many. What I am so amazed at is how he touched so many of your lives without even knowing him. God is so good. How he uses situations and His people to bring other people to a better place, closer to Himself or just examining their own lives is amazing. How can people not believe there is a God? How can they NOT have a personal relationship with Him? Thank you again for your encouragement to Jason and to me. I will be ok. I know it's ok to cry. And I do have a huge support group, a wonderful family (mine & David's) and a church family that goes beyond just one church building. There were about 500 people at David's Celebration of Life service. It was great and exactly what he would have wanted. We celebrated his life and again thank you all for participating in that with us.
In Him,
Jan
Jason - I just wanted you to know that as I walk the Relay for a cure beginning this evening at 6:00pm I will be thinking of both Jan and David ! I have also lit a candle on behalf of David !