If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that I lost one of my close friends, David Wilder, to throat and neck cancer at age 49 back in late March. I can't believe it's already been over six months since he died. As with most grief, it takes on a different feel after the passage of some time.
In the interim, I have had some weeks when I could think of David and not feel the pain as sharply, but I don't think I have had many days pass without thinking of him at all.
Yesterday, I made the mistake of thinking a little too long about the video they showed at his life celebration, and I had to stop and cry for a bit. I realize that "mistake" may not be the right word, but you get the jist of what I'm saying, I hope.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I felt strongly led to participate in starting a new church in nearby Georgetown after David passed away. I had prayed extensively about this, and I felt that God was telling me that this was the way to impact more lives for Jesus, which is what David excelled at during his life. I never saw anyone who could present the gospel as persuasively and lovingly as he did. He usually had a gleam in his eye when talking to someone who wanted to argue, as if to say, "You may not get it yet, but you will."
I am one of the people helping to determine the best place for our church to meet come next spring, when we are likely to outgrow our current smaller facility. I did a presentation on Sunday for everyone detailing the places that the pastor and I had visited, and our "top three" options, all of which are middle schools. When I was speaking, I felt like David was there with me. Maybe he was.
Recently, I was speaking to a friend of mine who said something that stuck with me when we were discussing both faith and church:
"My family and I haven't been attending anywhere, but Jason, I feel like if I hang around you, I will end up back at church."
This is a big compliment for me, since in my personal life I often feel like Paul from 1 Timothy 1:15:
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst."
When my friend and I were parting ways, I said something that I heard David say hundreds of times to me - "God bless ya, man!"
I realize that it may seem like a short and simple phrase, but it was something I picked up from David. Hearing his words and inflection coming from my own mouth (and yes, maybe even a tinge of his northern accent) made me realize what a lasting impact he had on me.
I walked to my car and started it, ready to leave. As I was about to put the car in gear, it hit me. The song on the radio was one of David's favorites, "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. I don't believe in coincidences (which my friend used to call "God incidences"). It felt a little like God was patting me on the back right then, and the feeling of His presence was palpable.
As I said back when David left us, I hope to be someone who picks up the torch that he was carrying, choosing to live each day looking for opportunities to spread the love of Jesus. ActiveRain has given me a rather large platform to reach others, and I don't want to squander my opportunity.
If you are interested in reading some of my thoughts as I walked through Dave's illness and death, here are some of the posts I wrote back then:
This is the hardest post that I have ever written - An Update on my friend David
David Wilder (1958-2008) - See You Again Someday, My Friend
Life Celebration for my Friend David
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Jason- I have been thinking more and more each day upon our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ and the great goodness of Heavenly Father and all that is created for our enjoyment on his earth. The worst sin we commit is that of ingratitude. I am working hard to keep that in check. God Bless You Jason, you will see and find David in people you meet and places you go.
Hi Jason;
I am sorry you lost your friend, be strong for his family and show love.
Jason, I have been right where you are. It is not a good feeling. When people told me it would get easier I would look at them as if they were completely crazy! Remember the good times. He is in a a better place my friend. Trust in God. He will pull you through. My family and I will remember you in our prayers. God Bless...Thanks, Keith
Jason,
I'm sorry for your loss. 49 is awfully young. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends family.
Jason you already know your friend is not gone but simply gone before you. The pain of losing his physical presence here on earth is a thing to relish because it brings to memory his service and direction which has been born in you. David instilled in you some of the greater parts of himself and he awaits the good news that you have succeeded him in his work and His harvest. He is closer than you think! "Therefore let us also, seeing we are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us"
Jason, I truly feel your pain. I had not read back far enough in your blog to find out that you'd lost a close friend at 49. (Damn, you're prolific, man!). My condolences.
I have lost several people, close to me, in quick succession in the last couple of years. My father, (72), My father-in law (85), My mother-in-law (81), and last, but certainly not least, my sister at the tender age of 52.
I can tell you from experience, that those moments of piercing pain come unexpectedly and at the most inopportune times. My experience, thus far, is that the pain doesn't ever really go away... it just changes. It morphs into something different, but it's still pain. Along with that pain, however, is a new, stronger appreciation for the recently departed. Just as someone who is blind has heightened other senses, the loss of a friend, or family member, gives you a clearer focus for the memory of everything good about them.
Embrace that. It will help.
(Well, that works with everyone but my mother-in-law.... gawd, but she was intrusive, judgemental and overbearing... she may take a little longer to miss).
Jason, Sorry for your loss. Back in March my daughter had renal failure and spent a week at Duke. Praise god she is healty now but it put a lot of things in prespective. My trouble marriage was saved. We had to come together to take care of our little girl. Then my grandfather at 75 had an infection from gall bladder surgery. I am so thankful that we will hang out and drink wine by the fire at Christmas......just like last year.
I am so thankful for the people in my life that make me smile and help me survive.
In Christ's Love,
Katie
Jason - I've read your touching posts about your friend David and I believe as I have read this blog that David is looking out for you through "God incidences" and guide you in your decisions. May God Bless you.
Jason, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't around AR when all of this took place. How very sad, but how wonderful that he is in a better place. How is his wife holding up? Hang in there Jason. You were an amazing friend to him and I'm sure he is watching you! You truly are an amazing man. If anyone can grow a church from the ground up, it is you. You have a gift, I believe.
I also wanted to thank you for spreading the word about my Mother, when she was in the hospital in Nashville. Today I learned she will more than likely be fine now. I believe Prayer was behind this. She had a 50/50 chance and now they think she will be just fine. Thanks so much Jason. It meant so much to me.
Now, go change the world!
Hey, Jason. I was just thinking about David the other day and wondered how you and his family were doing. I've just finished reading The Shack. It has me viewing things in a different way.
Choosing a Church is a very big deal. I can see why your friend might just join your new Church...
Hey Jas, We all miss him. I was just thinking about that "guy I never even knew" the other day and was wondering how his family was doing. Hang in there buddy!
Jason - the loss of a friend is never easy. No loss is.
But David had such an impact on you for a reason. And it seems as though those reasons are becoming more and more apparent.
Carry that torch. Let the flame light the way. You have obviously been chosen as a messenger - and that is an honor that many never receive.
God had blessed you, Jason. And in turn we are all blessed because of that.
Jason, I read your post and comments not only with tears but with sobbing. You gave your friend David, a beautiful tribute with your post and he gave you his friendship and his dream....... to fulfill, ....through Christ Jesus, .....just as it would have been fulfilled through your friend..... As you well know...... we never know why things happen.
I had a very godly man remind me when my mother died " unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears all the fruit you want from it" ....{John 12 20-33}
These fruits could very well be, handed down to you. We all have a purpose in life. your friend David's purpose had been already accomplished. Can you imagine the Lord saying to him " Well done, my good and faithful servant" Those words are the beautiful words we all desire to hear.
I share in your "God incidence" I have experienced a " God incidence " every time a loved one has left and returned to our Father. I always felt in my heart it was a personal "God Moment" when God allows us to be comforted in our grief. Your friend will forever be by your side.
I pray for you, your family and the mission set before you. I have no doubt that you will be shown the way. God's choicest blessings and thank you for all you do for us HERE ON AR
Every day I think of everyone I have loved in this life who has gone home to be with the Lord.
It is really hard to lose someone so close. I am sorry to hear of your loss, but I am glad to hear you are healing and moving on. Sometimes it is really good to think about the good times and remember those we have lost.
Jason,
God bless you and give you strength to carry on your friends work.
Jason, I do hope that it's getting a little easier for you but it will never totally go away. David was a huge part of your life so it isn't unusual that you go through periods of mourning. After reading all that you've written about him I can't help but love him too. I know he's sorely missed. GBU, Deb
Jason
You are a good man to have loved your friend as much as you did (do) ...you'll meet up again one day.
Jason, I am so sorry you lost your friend, but I know in the end when Messiah comes you will see him again. Enjoyed your post and am looking forward to hearing more about David as the Lord moves you to share your memories with us. Love, C.
Good stuff. Its hard sometimes to relize that the spiritual world is more real than the flesh.
Jason, it's great that something good will come out of such a tragedy. I'm sure your friend would be pleased.
Jason...thanks for your courage to step outside of the safe blogging box and be true and thoughtful. Beautiful.
Jason, I lost one of my dearest friends, Ann Purdue, in March to lung cancer. It was she who prayed me into the Kingdom over 25 years ago, god mother to my daughter, and a friend I could always count on.
I still have the funeral bulletin with her photo on it on my bedside table and I look at it everyday and think about her. I miss her so much. There will never be another person in my life who lived through so many events with me .
We were in the film business together in Atlanta and our lives were divinely intertwined thereafter. I just called her daughter two days ago to see how she was doing.
I count it all joy that we will be reunited again and that she is not in any pain or discomfort. It is we who are left grieving who miss her so badly. She and David are rejoicing!
Jason, It is amazing how these little things happen to us...those mysterious things that make us feel close to our loved ones that have past away....as if that love one is with us, even though s/he is not physically with us. Keep your mind open and you will see more signs that your friend is with you. God bless....
Marlene
Jason,
What a beautiful tribute to David. I know you miss him as much as I do. He would be so very proud of you and confident to know that you WILL pick up the torch. Bless you my dear friend. Thank you for loving my husband as much as you still do! Still looking forward to getting together with you and Pam. Let's do it soon........
In Christ Alone,
Jan
God has been speaking to me about you, Jason...I am glad HE (the Lord) is there to comfort you and help you integrate what your brother taught you through his example when he was on this earth...
He is NOW part of the UNSEEN.....and in Gods Kingdom....
May the Lord continue to speak to you about his example of our Messiah....
\O/
I cherish my friends. I have no words other than I am thinking of the both of you.
MP
Jason-WOW! Not only was this a great tribute to a dear friend but it also gave me a glimpse into who you are and I just have to say I think you are a awesome person who is deeply caring and your love for the Lord speaks volumes. I hadn't been over to your blog since your announcement about baby #4. I hope your wife is feeling better. I read all four of your blogs about David and each one was so heartfelt and very moving. You have a way of reaching out thru your blogs with your honesty and special way of conveying what is in your heart and that is truly wonderful. I will make a point to stop by more often and read your latest posts. I know that you have a very large following so you might not always get a chance to individually comment on everyone but that doesn't matter because I enjoy so much reading what you have to say. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I read a book entitled "90 minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. It is an awesome book. I'm not sure if you enjoy reading or not but this book is awesome. Take care
You are growing into your new role nicely, Jason. Forgive me the chuckle I had at reading the passage attributable to Paul. Seems I am aptly dubbed.
You are a good man, J. David didn't give you that strength. You've had it in you all along. Who knows? His purpose in your life may have been to draw it out. There are big things ahead for you. I doubt I am alone in that knowledge.
You know I am not much one for organized religion, but I envy the unfrettered belief of the truly faithful. The world can be a hard place. Nice to find solace rather than questions and uncertainty.
See you in a week, buddy.
Dear Jason...my brother and my friend,
I know that you miss David. The night that I read all of your posts about David, he became so real to me. I did not know him...but I do know him through you. For that, I am blessed and thankful.
As someone who 'knows' you...this post speaks to me in a very special way. I am fully confident that Our Lord has plans for you that will blow your mind. Even now....He is speaking those plans to you...in the softest voice...almost as a whisper that is carried by the wind. Just listen to Him, my brother. Trust Him...and let Him have you wholely. You'll never regret letting go and giving Him everything.
BTW...I had a long talk with our friend last night. Thank you for allowing me to be a part. GBU!!
Jason, I remember you talking about David earlier in the year and what a great and close friend he was to you. Keep carrying the torch my man. You'll always have David in your heart. God bless you Jason.
Jason, your post says it all, we never forget the people who have touched our heart and soul. David and his family became a part of us here, through your posts. "It's a God thing". Glad your new church is growing and you are looking for larger facilities.
Jason - He must be a true friend indeed if he encouraged you to share the gospel of Jesus. I wish I had known him... :)
Jason-This is really beautiful. I read your blog and I cried with you. It is so hard to loose some one you care about. You are a very thoughtful person to remember and honor his memory the way you have. Please know you are in my prayers.
I think this is one of the reasons I love this forum of realtors...there are at times I find a humaness that refreshes my soul and a song of hunamity that reminds me that life has nothing to do with the money. It's all about the lives we lead for the short time we have to share with one another. What more do we have to give each other than a part of our being, the money we could share or give means virtually nothing in compariosn to our friendship and our compassion for another human being.
Sometimes we become so self absorbed in this business we forget that life is really not about our business or careers, it's about making our business and careers work in our lives.
My father an old time realtor used to say, you will either run the business or it will run you, if it runs you, you won't be of any real value to anyone.
Thank you Jason for always sharing your life with us, reminding us it's not all about real estate.......we can spare the time to enjoy our lives and nuture of friendships while we have the time to enjoy them!